1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
