It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
