dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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