can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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