I'm gonna have a badass scar
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
