you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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