Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
