Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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