i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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