I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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