Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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