my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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