you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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