Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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