I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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