I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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