I cannot find my penis.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
