I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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