I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They are going to name an STD after you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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