2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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