Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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