Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Less talking, more tequila
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
