I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
