she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My life is pants optional.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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