Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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