My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
