I'm lost and stupid without you.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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