Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
