eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
