Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
