I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
