Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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