you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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