I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
