I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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