I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
