we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
