Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't deserve a penis
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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