Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
operation have a gay friend backfired
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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