Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
