I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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