I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
