You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
