you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
