wanna go halves on a baby?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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