What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
