So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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