Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
