it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
