she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
