It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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