OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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