dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
