I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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