I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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