I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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