The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
