FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Send help, water and tortillas.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
