I wish I could teleport
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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