you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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