Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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