so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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