im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
