why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My cat gives me a boner
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
