I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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