anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
