I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
