Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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