Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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