You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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